Thursday, April 12, 2007

Michael Richards Offers Don Imus Some Advice

What's up my nigga'?

My fellow beleaguered entertainer. So sorry to hear about your predicament. Actually, I'm not really sorry. I'm actually quite thankful that you're finally taking the attention off of me! Then again, every time someone says that the attention is off of me, by virtue of mentioning my name again in connection with a racist incident, the attention goes back on me. So...I change my mind. Fuck you.

Sorry about that. I'm still a little pissed about what happened to me. I can totally sympathize with you, dawg. You been set up by da man! Good ole' Uncle Charlie. Yup, you been set up like a dog on a porch in the summer. Mmmm hmmm.

Anyway, since I've been through the grinder already, I have a couple of tips for you so you don't make this mistake again.

1. If you're going to be racist, go whole hog. Don't just stick with a pathetic "nappy headed hos" comment. I suggest you stand onstage in a club and yell the N-word as loud as you can repeatedly. It worked well for me.

2. Apologize with Jerry Seinfeld. People love funny Jews. Wait, I didn't just say that. Here we go again...

3. When talking about Rutgers, don't ever focus on race. Focus on the rampant STD problem. That's funnier and more relevant.

4. Most of all, don't be an aging entertainer who's past his prime and needs to "push the envelope." Obviously that worked out for both of us.

5. Oh, and finally (because every list needs 5 points), if you're really stuck for material, just talk about Bea Arthur's Vagina. Everyone loves that!

Good luck with the fallout. I hope you have savings, you silly cracker.

With Love,
Michael Richards


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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Blogger dmbmeg said...

When I look at this picture of Don Imus, I wonder if he is sporting the denim on denim look. Cause you know, there's nothing wrong with that.

8:25 PM  

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