Sunday, April 15, 2007

An Open Letter to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales From Gary Busey


Can I call you Alberto? Al? Senor lawyer-guy? Or how about the-dude-who-is-totally-up-shit's-creek? Cuz that's what you are. You know that, right? Yeah, all that "nothing to hide" shit is cute and all, but you are deader than my career. In fact, you're deader than my son's career. You know what? That's dead. Dead, I say.

You want some advice? Just fess up and tell them that you snorted the drugs. Wait, that's not why you're in trouble. Oh yeah, the lawyer firing stuff. You know, I'm not really a politics guy, but it seems to me that everything you've ever done in the history of your life, including this firing stuff, was wrong. Therefore, you should resign your office and pay off my extensive credit card debt. Yup, resigning office is not going to be good enough. You also need to pay MY bills, because that's what the American public would want. How do I know that? I'm an American, gosh darnit, and I know what my people want. Sure, you're an American too, but not a Gary Busey American, which is the best type. So...that's why you need to resign and cut me a check for $278,000. Yes, that is my credit card debt. I'm awesome.

Don't think Mr. Dubya will help you out. He'll sell you out quicker than you can say "incompetent Attorney General," which I'm sure you're used to saying (or hearing). If I've learned anything from my wildly erratic movie career, it's that success if fleeting and often undeserved. Hmmm...sound familiar? No? Oh. Then nevermind. Go rent Predator 2. I'm great in it.

Crazily Yours,
Gary Busey


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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Blogger dmbmeg said...

That Gary is was devastatingly handsome man. I love a man with a lazy eye caused by a botched face lift. And really big teeth.

6:21 PM  
Blogger A Concerned Fan said...

Couldn't have said it better myself. Well, I tried, but his teeth got in my way.

11:58 PM  

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