Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Consider The Alternatives, Jennifer Love Hewitt

Dear Jennifer Love Hewitt,

Hello again. It's been a while since we last spoke and a lot has happened in the interim. Britney Spears has become totally and cerifiably insane. Lindsay Lohan has been caught doing cocaine and exposing her nipple. Even the glorious Jessica Alba has...well...she can do no wrong. But that's beside the point. My point is that you're not getting any younger and it's high time that you wised up and posed for Playboy before you ended up a washed-up, used-up, coked-up hag like the "starlets" described above. Otherwise, it's going to be too late.

The crazy thing is that the answer to all your problems is so simple! And it does NOT involve another Garfield sequel. Nor does it involve anything that has to do with whispering to ghouls. It has purely to do with those Seussian giants above your ribcage - Thing 1 and Thing 2. Just show those small midgets off to the world within the pages of Playboy and all else will fall into place. Untold riches will be bestowed upon you by directors who finally realize that you are indeed a complex actress capable of taking on challenging (and oft sexy) roles. The world will be your oyster so long as you show of your 2 pearls. Until then, the only thing you can hope for is another season of ghost whispering and perhaps a Party of 5 reunion in the not too distant future (in that episode, I'm sure every character will probably be dying of cancer). Clearly one alternative is better than the other. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, or even James Woods, to know which one that is.

So once again I urge you to make the right choice. Pose for Playboy and show us your cans, my dear Jennifer Love Hewitt, and all the world will benefit - particularly you.

Best Regards,
Concerned Fan


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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Blogger The Bee said...

I think I just peed a little.

Ok on a more serious note:
Thought you might enjoy this piece if you haven’t already read it.
I love your blog. Funny stuff!

2:19 PM  
Blogger A Concerned Fan said...

Thanks for the comment and link. Big Friedman fan myself. Except he's like 1 foot tall.

5:02 PM  
Blogger The Cajun Boy said...

i would also like to see her ass and ladyflower? can you add that to future requests?

5:56 PM  
Blogger Attila The Mom said...


12:57 AM  

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