Friday, May 11, 2007

I Ate 23 Twinkies In 5 Minutes

23 Twinkies
5 minutes.

Think about it. Do the math. That's more than 4 twinkies per minute. That's 1 twinkie every 13 seconds. That's 3,450 calories and 103.5 fat grams. All in the span of 5 minutes. Sickening? Most certainly. Disgusting? Absolutely. Vomit-inducing? You bet your bottom dollar. But would i do it again? Without a doubt.

This site is not about me - in its 17 months of existence, there have been only a handful of posts about my actual life. But this was a monumental experience of epic proportions (as the "movie-preview voice" guy would say) that needed to be discussed immediately. Okay, it didn't really need to be discussed immediately, but I thought it would be funny to talk about the fact that I voluntarily entered a competitive eating contest and attempted to eat 50 twinkies in 5 minutes.

Here's how it went: The clock started, I shoved down 23 twinkies, I came in third place, and then I threw up. Funny, right! No? Okay, if that's not funny, then check out this You Tube video: Here. This guy ate 40 Twinkies in 2 minutes. And he was perfectly fine afterwards. Funny, right! No? Okay, I guess personal blogging isn't that interesting to other people because you had to be there (hint, hint world at large).

So, my advice to you people out there who are contemplating competitive eating - do it. It's painful and it's thoroughly disgusting, but at the same time it's a life-changing experience. Okay, not really, but twinkies taste good and...well...that's all you need to know.

Aren't we all more enlightened now? I thought so. Now go and google Bea Arthur's Vagina and call it a day.

Love Always,
Concerned Fan


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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Blogger Ben said...

I felt the same way when I ate this:

Sadly, I'm ashamed to admit it was just as bad for me, and I ate it just as fast. The scary thing is I think I could of ate two more...

2:41 PM  
Blogger The Cajun Boy said...

i could feel my intestines beginning to atrophy as i read that.

6:33 PM  
Anonymous Dan Patterson said...

"Google Bea Arthur's vagina", you wrote.
I read it. Eight syllables in one second. Painful. Disgusting. Then I threw up.
And no, I will not do it again.


9:49 AM  

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