Monday, July 02, 2007

Bush Commutes Libby's Sentence; Tank Johnson Next

Washington, DC (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

In a move praised by conservatives, decried by liberals, and smiled at by red-headed step-children, President Bush commuted the sentence of famed perjurer Scooter Libby. Calling the sentence "excessively largenated," the highly-rated President eliminated Libby's planned jail time. In a related move, the President also commuted the sentence of Bears defensive legend Tank "Another Drink Please" Johnson. The commuting of Libby's sentence was expected, but Johnson's came as a surprise, particularly because he didn't actually have a sentence. Bush dismissed the fact of Johnson's lack of a sentence as "liberal concoctionations invented to confusinate" him.

For the small percentage of Americans living in a cave, Libby was aide to Vice President Cheney who lied to a grand jury about his role in the outing of Valerie Plame and subsequently received a 2 1/2 year prison sentence. Although Bush defied the will of the courts, including the verdicts judges he and his father appointed, he felt that he had to do what was right. As evidenced by his decisions on Iraq, Katrina, and immigration, it's clear that Bush definitely knows the right choice when he sees it. And buoyed by an historically strong approval rating, it's clear the American people trust his judgement to do the right thing and will soundly support this decision.

Sources close to Tank indicate that he's thrilled that the President commuted his sentence, and he's really interested to learn who this "President guy" is. The Libby camp has yet to issue a public statement, but sources close to the former White House staffer indicate that Libby and his team are practicing their one-fingered salute to the liberal media.

No word yet from Vice President Cheney, but sources close to the "Veep" indicate that he plans to emerge from the 9th level of Hell to make a statement soon. Until then, he will continue to flay the souls of kittens, puppies, and ancestors of Maureen Dowd.


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

Tags: , , , ,

Labels: , , , , ,


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

eXTReMe Tracker