Saturday, July 14, 2007

You Know I'm E-mailing You From The Crapper



Hey Bill,

Did you get that meeting request I sent you? I sent it from the crapper. Oh, and that e-mail I sent you the other day about the budget deadline? Totally from the bathroom. I was ripping out a big one when I was writing about next month's forecast. That's what I love about my blackberry. I can poop and e-mail at the same time. It's great, I know. Technology allows me to combine two of my favorite things into one combined activity. I call it: shit-mailing. It's a logical name, don't you think? And I'm doing it right now.

Pretty much all my e-mails come from the crapper. And nobody is the wiser! I don't have to lug a laptop in like George from accounting. He's going to get caught one day soon. Oh, and Lenny from Accounts Payable? He brings in his PC and then runs the ethernet cable in from his desk. I know he's going to get caught one of these days. But me? I'm happy to secretly type away at my blackberry while I grunt out a loaf. All I need is a lamb casserole to eat and I'd be in heaven.

You'd be surprised how many e-mails I've sent while doing the deed. Hundreds of thousands. I have fingers like lightening and can send out at least 30 e-mails per "session." And I'm not talking about short little e-mails either. Every e-mail is at least 400-500 words. No joke. I'm that good. But that shouldn't surprise you as I've always been the best e-mailer this side of the Mississippi. Sometimes you see smoke coming out of the blackberry. Or maybe it's from my ass. Either way, it's cool.

Okay, I gotta go now. I have a meeting with Chuck in Marketing in about five minutes. That and my ass is getting numb. See you later today at the strategy roundtable.

Yours in Crap,
Matt


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Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition


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