Monday, August 13, 2007

Rove to Join Lindsay Lohan on Party Circuit

Washington, D.C. (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

Karl Rove, long-time servant of George W. Bush and Mephistopheles has announced his resignation from the White House staff in order to pursue new opportunities on the young celebrity party circuit with the likes of Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and Patton Oswalt. Rove has always been known for his legendary White House keggers, and now he has a chance to live up to his nickname as the White House Chief of Beer when he starts clubbing with the panty-less duo.

It's not unprecedented for a White House staffer to resign and then join the ranks of the Hollywood "young and washed up" crew. When Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney left the Ford White House, they immediately joined Leif Garrett on the party circuit, introducing him to cocaine and ultimately hastening his ruination. Rove, always a fan of Dick, has wanted to follow in his footsteps for a long time and now will have a chance. The timing of the move is unsurprising, as Rove is facing 657 different federal investigations for potential crimes committed.

Sources close to Lohan indicate that she's excited to see the legendary Maestro of Malevolence in action. Sources close to Britney Spears don't indicate anything as they were too busy cleaning up her most recent vomit. No official word yet from the Rove camp, as they were performing their daily goat sacrifice to the Dark Lord, but White House Press Secretary Tony Snow indicated that Rove is looking forward to the new challenge of further corrupting a segment of the population that appears to have little room for further corruption. He followed his comment with a sinister laugh.


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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