Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Britney Explains Her Meltdown

Hey Y'all,

I'd like to officially apologize for my awful VMA performance. Although I take NO responsibility for my actions and blame my lackluster performance on lots of stuff, that, you know, was distracting and stuff. I mean, can you believe that Sarah Silverman asshole? She totally made fun of my shaved pussy! The only thing allowed to comment on my shaved pussy is another shaved pussy. Isn't that right, Mr. Shaved Pussy?

That's right. So, shut your damn trap you unfunny person and stuff. I'm talking to you Sarah Silverman! Don't make me start telling Jewish jokes. No really, don't make me tell them. I don't know any and I'll look even more stupider.

Look, y'all, I don't want to keep apologizing for everything I do. Clearly it's going to be wrong to you people (by you people I mean the civilized world), but I don't care about being wrong. I just care about going out there and giving it my all, or at least 30%, and hoping for the best. Sometimes, like at the VMAs, I'm a bit distracted and only give 15%, while holding back the other 105%, or whatever the numbers work out to be and stuff. That's cuz I was distracted, y'all. Distracted by Sarah Silverman. Distracted by the two things I quefed out of my shaved pussy (I'm talking 'bout my kids, y'all). Distracted by the rampant rise of the global military-industrial complex and stuff. I'm just very distracted, y'all, and that's why I looked like I was hopped up on goofballs onstage the other day. It ain't my fault, so don't blame me! But I still wanted to apologize. Understand?

So I hope you'll go out and buy my album, because I need the money, y'all. K-Fed and Brad Garrett have been occupying all of my time, but all 20 minutes of the preparation that I put into the album have been worth it. It's gonna be a rocking good time, y'all. Why? Cuz it's Britney, bitch! Yeah, that sounds adult!

Love and Grits,
Britney Spears


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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