Tuesday, December 18, 2007

A Message From Pamela Anderson's Liver

Dear Pamela,

Can you stop with all this marriage and divorce madness? First you're with Tommy Lee, then you're not. Then you are again. Then you're not. Then you give me Hepatitis C. Then you're with Kid Rock. Then you're not. Then you're with the guy who boned Paris Hilton. Then you're not. Then you are again. Would you pick a guy and stick with him? Jesus H. Christ!!! No, I don't mean you should marry him. I was just uttering an exclamation of frustration.

Sorry for being so angry, but I'm getting so tired of you starting out anew with each man. You see, each time you divorce...you celebrate. Each time you marry again...you celebrate. And that hurts me. For Christ's sake, I have Hepatitis C!! Any alcohol hurts me. Badly. And each of those guys has a long-ass dong, and that ends up poking into me when he bangs you. I finally get acclimated, and boom, you're finished. Would you just pick one man and stick with him!

C'mon, I don't want to beg you here, but I'm dying. Literally. We livers are not very proud organs and will beg for certain things from time to time. And this time I'm begging you to "ride it out" with that Rick guy. Just make it through the end of the year, okay? My life is going to be tough enough with all the holiday drinking. Don't make it worse by celebrating a new divorce.

Although if you do divorce him, I hear that Elijah Wood is available.

I hear he's got a small wang, so that's good. Look him up!

With Love,
Your Liver


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

oooogh...she looks like a hard bitch....I'd say age 41 is time to cover it up and let the younger bitches make fools out of themselves...dumb is bad enough, but old, dumb and deluded is just sad. Pam hang it up before you become a pathetic joke, leave with some dignity.

10:12 PM  

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