Monday, January 21, 2008

Lindsay Lohan Weighs In On The Presidential Election



Dear People of the United something of...uh...you know,

I am not going to vote in this election. Ha ha! Fooled ya. All of you probably thought I'd be voting, right? You all thought I'd be the first person on line on election day to vote for the bestest candidate for the head President position in America, didn't you? Yeah, you did. That's cuz you're all stupiddddddd!!! No, I'm not drunk right now. Okay, maybe a little, but that's okay because I'm in a new type of rehab program. You know, where you're allowed to get drunk as long as you don't drink any more. Make sense. Great!

But even though I'm not voting (Ed Note: there's a new federal law that prevents people who show their nipple online from voting in an election. Google it. Sorry, Ashley Tisdale.), I still have a thought or two on who should be our head President. Okay, maybe just one thought. C'mon, did you ever think I'd have more than one thought at a time! Ha ha ha ha ha...you are all suckers!!! Anywhoooooo, I'm going to tell you who should be the head President, and you all should listen. Elect this person in November or December or whenever the election is and I'll be a happy person. And the country will be a better place. Mainly the former.

Basically, you should elect Tom Brady as our next head President. He's so cute! And I feel bad that he has such a small penis. How do I know? Let's just say that a certain supermodel from Brazil told me! And I had sex with him after the football game last night. My firecrotch was back in action!!! Yuppers. With the grandmaster of New England football himself, Mr. Thomas Brady. It wasn't that good because he kept calling out his own name and kept calling me Eli. That was weird. But I blacked out for most of it, so I guess it couldn't have been that bad! Anyways, he should definitely be head President of the United Americas. If not him, then perhaps Ron Paul because I agree with his tax reform and Iraq war policies. Nah...just vote for Tommy Brady. He's my candidate 4-ever!!! I hope he wins that Super Bowl thing, even though Boston fans are completely insufferable and self-absorbed and need a good ass-kicking. Either way, I'm sure I'll fuck the winner. Or the loser. Everyone's a winner!

Tom Brady and his small penis for head President! Go out and vote today. Do it a lot. Just like TRL. Whippee!!!!

Love and Vodka,
Lindsay Lohan

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Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition


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1 Comments:

Blogger J$ said...

awesome! i've been waiting for lohan to weigh in so i'd know which i way i should be leaning this year.

12:16 PM  

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