Thursday, January 31, 2008

Meet the Spartans Gives Hope to Screenwriters Everywhere

Did you see that new movie out? That Meet the Spartans movie? Thank goodness it was made, because it gives hope to all aspiring screenwriters (like me!). If absolute crap like that can be made, then my wonderful screenplay (called Love in the Time of Hedge Funds, a romantic comedy about a Hedge Fund manager who falls in love with a venture capitalist and they live happily ever after earning a 19% return on invested capital) can be made into a movie! Seriously, if they greenlighted that shlock, then I definitely have a chance. Even my other screenplay - a touching biopic about the rise and fall of Lionel Richie, set against the backdrop of the CIA incursions into Central America - has hope.

I've always wanted to be a screenwriter. Ever since I learned that I was Jewish, I wanted to go to Hollywood and write scripts. I mean, I must have the talent, right? I mean, look at me! I have to be a screenwriter. As sure as David married Bathsheba, I'm going to be Hollywood bound. At least, I will be now that Meet the Spartans was made into a movie. I'll just bring that script to an agent and be like, "Look...this was made into a movie. Now read about Lionel Richie and cry tears of money!" I mean, any movie that has Carmen Electra with a prominent speaking role should be taken with a grain of salt. Or in this case, the whole damn container of salt. But that's a good thing because I think she'll make a great Hedge Fund manager in my screenplay. Doesn't that sound perfect? I'm Jewish, trust me about the funny stuff. It's in my blood.

I have to go now. My waitress is bringing my order (3 bottles of Ensure and some rye toast), and then I have a meeting with my agent. I think it's going to go well. Thank you Meet the Spartans for giving me hope and confidence!

Ira Lishawitz


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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