Thursday, February 28, 2008

McConaughey and Hudson to Release New Movie Called: This One Sucks Too

Hollywood, CA (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

After the amazing How to Lose a Guy In 10 Days, which can be seen every other day on TBS, Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey decided to do another film. The result? Fool's Gold. A critically acclaimed masterpiece that has so far seen tremendous box office success rivaling the greats like Titanic, Star Wars and White Girls. As they say in the business "success breeds success" (and Britney Spears just breeds), so Hudson and McConaughey have decided to team up once again for a new movie called This One Sucks Too about life, love, and everything in between (including lots and lots of full frontal nudity).

Audiences across the globe are anticipating this eventual best picture winner at an unprecedented level. An unnamed source within MGM said, "We haven't been this excited about a movie since the Seth Green sex tape leaked."

Another anonymous source within MGM was quoted as saying "Asian markets are going to be great. Them Chinese folks love that Hudson girl. Nice, radiant white skin. They like that stuff." In addition to the predicted Best Picture win, critics are already anticipating victories at the Sundance, Telluride, and Toronto Film Festivals. Roger Ebert, respected film critic and soft-core pornography connoisseur, has reportedly already put his thumb "way up in the air." A source close to the formerly obese but now svelte critic indicates that he's "gettin' his shit all worked up for this movie. Even though he playa hated on the first two movies, he's all psyched up for the third installment as it's common knowledge that trilogies always work."

No word yet from the Hudson or McConaughey camps, although paparazzi have spotted the two having full-on sex lots of times. Lots and lots. This doesn't necessarily indicate that the new movie will be released soon, but it sure doesn't hurt either.


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Sam Lutfi Accepts Your Criticism

Hello Fans and Friends,

Many of you may be dismayed by the reports that I drugged Britney Spears. To be honest, I was dismayed too. I was busy drugging Brad Garrett so he'd stay away from Britney's food, so I had no time to officially comment on the matter. But believe me, I'm outraged by the accusation, even though it's true, and I fully accept the criticism, even though I admit nothing. In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with a little bit of drugging, not that I'd ever condone it, even though I think it's the right thing to do. Have you seen Britney when she's not on drugs? It ain't pretty. A doped up Britney is safer for all of us. Did I profit by her being all drugged out? Sure, but haven't we all profited from drugging someone and then taking advantage of him/her? Of course we have.

As I said, I officially accept your criticism for my actions and take full responsibility for all of my actions, even though I don't think they were wrong and I despise you for insinuating that I had anything to do with this. The truth is that you're all jealous that I got to see Britney's vagina and you didn't. Nobody in the world, with the exception of K-Fed, JT, and me have seen Britney naked. Nobody. And that's why you're all criticizing me. You want to see her naked. Well, it's never going to happen. As long as I'm in control, she'll never show her hoo-hoo to the world. Never! Granted, she won't be conscious enough to leave the house on her own, and if she does it will be to attend psychological therapy classes, but that's beside the point. My point is that you should all stop criticizing me because I've done nothing wrong. In fact, I don't even know what you're talking about. I never drugged Britney. But if I did, I accept your criticism and deny it wholeheartedly. Does that make sense? Good.

My lawyer just advised me that I should stop typing or else I'm going to end up in jail for the rest of my life, so I better wrap this up. Please, if you have any more comments or criticisms, please feel to send them to me along with 50 dollars in cash. That would be great.

Sam Lutfi


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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