Monday, March 24, 2008

Pam Anderson Single Again; Rick Moranis Wants To Hit That

Hot damn!

Pam, call me! What are you waiting for???? You're single and you need me to hump your ass. You know it, baby. Call me now!

Alright, I'm sorry for that outburst. I'm crying for you. Bawling. Seriously, I'm absolutely sobbing. Oh, shit. Hold on, I'll be right back.

Sorry about that, I just had to switch computers. I was crying soooo hard and my tears ended up shorting out my laptop. It's broken now, so I'm using my daughter's laptop. She doesn't know because she's out with her boyfriend. I think they're doing things that you and I should be doing. Naaaaaasty things. Wait, that's disgusting. I don't want to think about my daughter that way. Oh, shit. Hold on, I'll be right back.

Sorry about that. Now I'm on my wife's computer, as I got really sick when I thought about my daughter doing freaky ass stuff and ended up throwing up on her computer and ruining it. It's too bad because that computer and I had been through a lot together. Seriously. I bought it at Best Buy and cuddled all night with it before giving it to my daughter for her birthday. For me, that's a really significant emotional connection. Based on your track record, that appears to be a big emotional commitment for you as well! That's why you and I should get together. We are soooooo alike. And I like ass play.

Sorry about that. Actually, I'm not sorry. I, Rick Moranis, love ass play and I'm proud to admit it. I used to be in APA (Ass Play Anonymous) but now I'm "out of the cave" and in the open. That's why you and I should get together. That, and I don't care about getting Hepatitis C. Not a lot of guys out there that can say that. Combine that with my love of ass play and you've found your true love.

Look, it doesn't matter if I'm married or whatever. I'd totally drop my wife for you. Like a bad habit! Like a hot pan! Like a chicken egg! I know that one doesn't make sense, but that's why I said it. I'm just trying to be a different force in your life. Something you've never seen or felt before. Just give me and my ass play loving self a shot and I'll surprise you. Trust me, you'll love it.

So.....I'll be waiting for your call. Call me soon, baby, and we can hook up. Love you!

Rick Moranis


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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