Hey American Airlines, Why Did You Cancel My Flight?
Howdy American Airlines,
I don't respect you much. Why did you get all crazy and cancel my flight yesterday? Can't you see how hot I am? Look at me all sexed up in my purple outfit. I'm so hot that I have to have a mirror reflection of myself so you can see my hotness twice. And yet you cancel my flight? That don't make a heckuva lotta sense. I'm too hot to be grounded. I should be flying high like the beautiful Canadian that I am. Canadians love to fly. Heck we invented flying back in the 1970s. Aw shucks, I'm just kidding, but I'm really quite serious about being grounded. It peeves me. Peeves peeves peeves peeves me that you'd ground me, Shania Twain.
Others have a right to be grounded, but others don't have a sexy purple outfit either. No response to that one, right? Right. Then it's settled, you'll reschedule my flight ASAP so I can get to the important places that I need to be. For example, I'm opening a mall in Tulsa. Yeah, my career is HOT right now! Hot like my purple ass. A purple ass that should always be flying high in the friendly skies. I know that ain't your slogan, but it should be. Cuz when you've got a hot patootie like me on your plane, your skies are much friendlier. By the way, I give great head.
Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition
Tags: Shania Twain, American Airlines, Patootie