Friday, October 31, 2008

Beverly D'Angelo to Endorse Barack Obama

I, Beverly D'Angelo, star of the stage and screen, officially endorse Barack Obama for President of the United States of America. You may know me as Clark's wife from the National Lampoon movies. Others may know me from my role in the hippi classic Hair. Still, others may know me as someone who has received the stigmata (both me and Sarah Palin!). Most of you, though, know me because I have been tirelessly knocking on doors, making phone calls, sleeping with citizens, and stabbing the opposition in my singular quest to get Barack Obama elected as President of the United States of America.

I'm not even a Democrat. To be honest, I don't even know who Barack Obama is. But I know he's running for President and that gives me an excuse to whore myself around town, which is fine by me. Those phone calls and door knockings? It's not to endorse Mr. Obama - it's to offer up my body for sex. I just use the "Obama thing" as an excuse to get people to open their doors. Then I strip down to nothing but my Obama pin (don't ask what it's pinned to!) and then let them poll my electorate.

I'm not a slut, I just need sex in a pathological manner, particularly during a Presidential election when I'm feeling particularly needy. You know what else makes me feel needy? Grey's Anatomy. I really dislike that show because it makes me feel so emotionally fragile and angry, and that always leads to unprotected sex with strangers. You can put that in the next ABC advertisement - "Grey's Anatomy, it'll make you fuck people and regret it. Thursdays at 9." Would you watch a show with that type of promo? Let me know if you would, because I'll come knock on your door and "stump" for Obama (as long as I can then see your stump).

It's only a few more days to the election, so I better be on my way now. After all, I only have a few more opportunities to sell my body for sex and get away with it. I mean, after the election, that will just be wrong. Right? Yeah, then I'd be a slut. But now, it's okay. Yeah, that's what I tell myself when I cry for hours at night and rock back and forth with my hands around my legs.

Barack in '08,


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I sense a trend. It's either a hot new trend or indigestion. Could we next get a photo of a hot Hollywood babe in some steamy lingerie??

What? Really? Trans-whats? No kidding? On the street, huh? In public, no less.


Some kind of connection to politics and entertainment figures, I guess.

Dan Patterson
Master of All I Survey

6:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Intelligence is in short supply. Too bad beauty is attached to those lacking any intelligence.

10:27 PM  
Anonymous sports handicapping software said...

Good article, read with great interest.

3:10 PM  

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