Sean Astin to Endorse Barack Obama

Fans and Friends,

I, Sean Astin, officially endorse Barack Obama for President of the United States of America. Wheh, I finally said it! I was having anal sex with a prostitute on Saturday, and I explained to her my position on each of the candidates, but I didn't think I had the fortitude to explain myself to the American people. It's one thing to reveal your innermost political secrets while riding bareback with a whore, and it's a totally different thing to share your thoughts to the people of this world, while sitting alone (but naked) in a cold motel room in Akron, Ohio. Why am I in Akron? No, I'm not stumping for Senator Obama. I've just heard that the prostitutes are hot and heavy here. Well, mostly heavy (it is Ohio), but so am I, so that's okay!

Do I honestly think my endorsement matters? Yes! Look at my impressive resume. I've represented all walks of life and members of society. I spoke on behalf of the weak and picked upon when I played Mikey Walsh in The Goonies. I spoke on behalf of the weak and picked upon when I played Rudy in Rudy. I spoke on behalf of the weak and picked upon hobbits when I played Sam in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. So you see, I represented all walks of life and have the authority to speak out on behalf of one of the candidates. Besides, I think McCain is old and scary and I'm sure he'd tell my wife if he caught me having anal sex with a prostitute named Louise. Not that I know one named that. Just sayin', you know? Yeah, you know.

So go out and vote! Vote smart, vote sensible, vote Astin! Um...I mean Vote Obama.

Rudy!
Sean Astin




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Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition


Tags: Sean Astin, John McCain, Rudy, Barack Obama