Sean Astin to Endorse Barack Obama
Fans and Friends,
I, Sean Astin, officially endorse Barack Obama for President of the United States of America. Wheh, I finally said it! I was having anal sex with a prostitute on Saturday, and I explained to her my position on each of the candidates, but I didn't think I had the fortitude to explain myself to the American people. It's one thing to reveal your innermost political secrets while riding bareback with a whore, and it's a totally different thing to share your thoughts to the people of this world, while sitting alone (but naked) in a cold motel room in Akron, Ohio. Why am I in Akron? No, I'm not stumping for Senator Obama. I've just heard that the prostitutes are hot and heavy here. Well, mostly heavy (it is Ohio), but so am I, so that's okay!
Do I honestly think my endorsement matters? Yes! Look at my impressive resume. I've represented all walks of life and members of society. I spoke on behalf of the weak and picked upon when I played Mikey Walsh in The Goonies. I spoke on behalf of the weak and picked upon when I played Rudy in Rudy. I spoke on behalf of the weak and picked upon hobbits when I played Sam in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. So you see, I represented all walks of life and have the authority to speak out on behalf of one of the candidates. Besides, I think McCain is old and scary and I'm sure he'd tell my wife if he caught me having anal sex with a prostitute named Louise. Not that I know one named that. Just sayin', you know? Yeah, you know.
So go out and vote! Vote smart, vote sensible, vote Astin! Um...I mean Vote Obama.
Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition
Tags: Sean Astin, John McCain, Rudy, Barack Obama